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Seniors
Jokes (For us old folk)
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very
well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit,
flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after-shave, presenting a well looked-after image,
walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, about mid
eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of
her, orders a drink, takes a sip
turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here
often?"..........
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems
for a lot of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the old gentleman to hear 100%.
The old gentleman went back to the doctor in a
month and the doctor said,
"Your hearing is perfect". "Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again."
The old gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told
my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"..........
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre
were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you
feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just
wet my pants"..........
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly'.
The other man said, "What is the name of the
restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally
said, "What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's
red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen
and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?....
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for
patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I
found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet
who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs
in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.".........
A senior citizen said to his
eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"..........
Three old guys are out walking. First one
says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer
."..........
A man was telling his neighbour, "I just
bought a new hearing aid. It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve
thirty."..........
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor
to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said,
Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'"..........
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice
cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."..........
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