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Seniors Jokes (For us old
folk)
A very elderly gentleman,
(mid nineties) very well dressed,
hair well groomed, great
looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling
slightly of a good after-shave, presenting a
well looked-after image, walks into an upscale
cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar
is an elderly lady, about mid
eighties.
The gentleman walks over,
sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a
sip
turns to her and
says, "So tell me, do I come here
often?"..........
An elderly gentleman had
serious hearing problems for a lot of years.
He
went to the
doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed
the old gentleman to hear
100%.
The old gentleman went back
to the doctor in a month and the doctor
said,
"Your hearing is
perfect". "Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."
The old gentleman replied,
"Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around
and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"..........
Two elderly gentlemen from a
retirement centre were sitting on a bench
under
a tree when one
turns to the other and says "Slim, I'm 83 years
old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I
know you're about my age. How do you
feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like
a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn
baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and
I think I just wet my
pants"..........
An elderly couple had dinner
at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the
kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and
one said, "Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly'.
The other man said, "What is
the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and
thought and finally said, "What is the name
of
that flower you
give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a
rose?"
"Yes, that's the
one," replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen
and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we
went to last night?....
Hospital regulations require
a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.
However, while working as a
student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman
already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet who insisted he didn't need my help to
leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules
being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the
elevator. On the
way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him.
"I don't know," he said.
"She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
out
of her hospital
gown.".........
A senior citizen said to his
eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know
her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is
she good looking?"
"Not
really."
"Is she a good
cook?"
"Naw, she can't
cook too well."
"Does she have
lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a
church mouse."
"Well, then, is
she good in bed?"
"I don't
know."
"Why in the world
do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can
still drive!"..........
Three old guys are out
walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't
it?"
Second one says,
"No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says,
"So am I. Let's go get a beer
."..........
A man was telling his
neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
cost
me four thousand
dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."
"Really,"
answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."..........
Morris, an 82 year-old man,
went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days
later, the doctor
saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of
days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said,
"You're really
doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing
what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't
say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
be
careful.'"..........
A little old man shuffled
slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself
slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his
breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress
asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied,
"Arthritis."..........
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