Joke Of The Month
Need Assistance? Call The
Help Desk
Actual call centre
conversations
Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't
get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung
Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to
unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number
for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring
Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other
side of the car?"
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Directory
Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff
please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell
off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a
worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK'
button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need
it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back
again?"
There's always one. This has got to
be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is
a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer
care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the
Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help
you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like
now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the
screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power
indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach.
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f%*%*%g stupid to own a
computer!!!!!"
December Joke Of The
Month
November Joke of the
Month
October Joke of the
Month
September Joke of the
Month
August Joke of the
month
July Joke of the
Month
June Joke of the Month
May Joke of the
Month
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